Monday Manners Quote:

“Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you.”
Elsie De Wolfe


Monday Manners Quote


“I smiled back, the importance of manners, my mother always said, is inversely related to how inclined one is to use them, or, in other words, sometimes politeness is all that stands between oneself and madness.”
Nicole Krauss, Great House

This special edition of the Monday Manners quote is dedicated to my book club grrrrllls, who, try as hard as we could, did not actually make it through this book today’s quote comes from!  I speak for the collective, as there was a small number who made it through to the end, and enjoyed it!  The rest of us, alas, apparently weren’t that deep!  <wink, wink>

When to Announce Someone has Died via Facebook, a Primer

Dear PRIMcess,

A dear friend, actually a member of our immediate community, has recently passed away.  A mutual friend called to let me know, and I have several other friends and acquaintances that knew this person and would want to be made aware.  I know the immediate family has been informed, but I feel uncomfortable posting this news on my Facebook feed.  How to proceed?

Sad in Syracuse

Dear Sad,

First, my condolences.  Obviously I don’t know you, or your friend, but it is always heartbreaking to lose someone close.

Now, on to your question.  The best thing to do, of course, is when you receive this news, ASK!  Ask who knows, ask if you can spread the news (without acting like you are trying to get a scoop for TMZ here, okay), ask if you can post on your social media page.

Now, say that horse is already out of the barn.  You, in your shock and dismay, forgot to ask about spreading the news, and don’t feel comfortable calling the newsbreaker back to ask.   Become a stalker.  Check out the social media sites of your friend’s very closest friends and family.  When THEY announce it, then either share their announcement to get the news to your social circle or post at that point to your own page.

I would let 24-48 hours go by and if no announcement is forthcoming from that quarter, then perhaps, and only perhaps, would I do a respectful post on my own page, something along the line of “Heard the worst news, Mrs. McGillicuddy, who many of your know via her work with feral hedgehogs, passed away recently.”  If you are aware of rememberence requests, or a scheduled service, include that.  I would also tag, if I had the ability, someone that is closer to the deceased than I am, so there is no feeling of you going behind the family’s back.

Now that I have given my two cents, what do you think?  Talk about a sensitive area!  Social media is a great way to communicate and get news, such as this, out to the people who will care most.  But family members, who understandably may feel a bit raw and emotional, may be insulted that mom’s memorial service announcement appears between beer pong photos and what you had for dinner tonight.

Monday Manners Quote:

“God gave you a gift of 84,600 seconds today. Have you used one of them to say thank you?”
William Arthur Ward

Without going all mushy on you, today marks the beginning of the end-of-school-year craziness.  My darling girl, the PRIMcess-in-Waiting (PIW for short) is ending her elementary school career in a short week from now, and I am left *gasping* as to where the time went.  Middle school, and its inherent drama, is right around the corner.  Besides taking a second to say thank you or hold a door for the person behind you, take a second or 1,000 to give the loves ones in your life a big hug.

A Formal Introduction: Let’s get this party started!

Every three year old knows when someone is being rude (Mommy, my friend is being MEAN to me!), even if they aren’t self aware enough to recognize the same behavior in themselves!

And everyone knows THAT person, whether you are a teen or a retiree, that just doesn’t GET it!  Gossip about mutual friends, never a please to save their life, talking with their mouth full, whatever.

Don’t be THAT person.

I live for manners.  A shaky “pwweeze” from one of my many little folk relatives will charm me far quicker than cute antics any day.  I am not talking about where to sit a Duke at the dinner table (though, if anyone is curious, I would be happy to dedicate a post to that very subject).   I love the idea that manners, and in a different form, etiquette, grease the skids of life.  They are rules of engagement that make it easier for all of us to get along.  Manners are living, breathing things, They change, from country to country and generation to generation, and most interesting from room to room.   How you act “politely” at a BBQ is completely different, yet appropriate, than how you act in your boss’s presence.

To me that give and take, that taking on of a different persona based on the circumstances, is FASCINATING!  Yes, I do realize I am a bit, shall we say, odd…  But I will save that subject for another day.    I would love to hear, and answer,  your manners and etiquette questions, so get in touch at